2014年7月7日 星期一

Death and Mango Ice Cream 死亡與芒果冰

Life is second-degree suffering.Suicide is first-degree suffering.


The weather was almost on fire outside, burning, bullying, and trying to kill everyone. I looked at him. He was weeping and murmuring hysterically over his dead son’s carcass. Vomiting didn't help much; at least useless toward someone’s death. Half of his head had been blown away by the pistol his Dad gave him. The father tried to convince himself that he didn't kill his own son, over and over again, crying and talking.

「來,坐好。」台灣爸爸溫柔地勸說。

「爸爸!」才剛學會講話不久的小男孩開口了。小女孩似的甜美童嗓。

「來,吃一口!」台灣爸爸秀出剛買到的芒果霜淋淇,第一口遞給兒子。

「吃!」小男孩聰明地學習爸爸說的中文字句,小手向芒果霜淋淇伸出去。

好溫柔的台灣爸爸。深情款款地餵兒子吃冰,邊聽童言童語邊輕笑出聲。

I felt the tension between literature and real life right there. You never know where your life story is going; you just don’t know. When a blind marriage ended in adultery, he didn't get it. When he kept seeing more prostitutes, he couldn't understand his yearning for more women. When he passed STD to his second wife and ruined his second marriage, depression and sense of guilt started. He tried to save it but couldn't. He tried to kill himself but failed, so he ended up handing the pistol to his son and walked out.

我的大腦站在陰陽界,同步進行雙重思索。

英文那半,重鬱又意圖自殺的老爸沒死成,未成年的獨子已經自殺身亡。
中文這半,簡直可以殺死人的台灣盛夏,有一對父子正坐享甜蜜的親情。

正在餵兒子吃冰的台灣爸爸。親手餵,天真的、童稚的、聽話的小男孩順從地張口吃冰。笑語聲陣陣傳來,語調遠比男朋友對女朋友說話更柔軟。有多少台灣父子親情是這樣美麗的開始的?又怎麼會弄到父子對罵、相殘、痛毆、互砍、自殺他殺地你死我活?

I didn't kill him! The father cried again. Who on earth would ever believe me?

我看著他們手上的芒果霜淋淇:標準視覺系的養眼美食。眼根對境是一回事,大腦映出的精采英文段落又是另一回事。色塵,半軟不軟的霜淋淇;意根解讀出來的法塵卻是自殺身亡只剩半顆腦袋的屍體腐爛後間歇流出來的腦漿與膿血。東流西淌的,蟲全長了。

生龍活虎的東方父子一對,眼前,東半球。
有意尋短的西方父子一對,書上,西半球。

It’s nothing about cultural shock or mental weakness really. Everything was about jumping between art, creativity, reality, love, hate, food, weather, family story, or travelling. I wouldn't doubt the sincere father love he showed him; just like I never doubted the deep hatred rooted in some problematic families.

抬望眼,他們早已經離開了。

座位空掉兩個,外面仍是殺死人的溫室效應焦陽天。

這篇並不是什麼堪稱入流的文學評論或前衛出色的讀書心得,你知道。自殺文學的誠實度高,自傳性質濃厚,甚至新聞報導性也強,讀後感不趕快寫下來當紀念品實在很對不起讀者自己。

下次你到全家點一客芒果霜淋淇吃時,安住當下吃你的便是。沒必要聯想到無常、死人、屍體、或腐臭爛壞到膿漿亂流、蟲蟲亂爬的半顆童屍腦袋;雖然二者在文學質感上高度類似。

完全不用感情用事,光看寶貝兒子吃冰就老眼昏花、淚光閃閃──思及來也空空、去也空空,父子親情一場終為生死永隔、家業如夢,還不如趁現在把握當下把他一手寵壞;疼兒愛女趁可愛。

好好過你的日子便是了,千萬別把滿街虛擬的謀殺或自殺文創情節當真呀!
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